goodbye mousy cunt

Oh, shut up already – mousy cunt!

Today was Mousy's farewell party on The Today Show. She is, of course moving to the CBS Evening News in September - yawn. I have never understood the appeal of this woman - she absolutely grates on my last nerve - and the thought of her as a serious journalist is beyond laughable. Even that dumb bore, Ann Curry is more interesting. I just don't get it - she's certainly no Diane Sawyer!

cupcakes and bronzer = big time homo

Here’s a funny little throwback from a few years ago regarding everyone’s favorite Hobbit, Elijah Wood. I’ve always loved to play the blind item guessing game…

a blind item from filth2go.com

"Could it be that a certain film fella is trying to straighten up his image? That's the buzz on the set of his latest flick, where crew members openly laugh about the publicity linking the little monkey with two of his female costars. I hear that both ladies have compared notes and realize that the diminutive dude's attentions are visible only when the press is around. When the cameras aren't rolling and the lights are turned down low, our adventurous little imp is off jonesing with any male he can get his hands on. And I'm told that hands are his least popular receptacle. The buzz is that his thumb isn't the only thing he's good at sucking. I hear that he can't live his life without dick...and that's one too many clues, if you ask me."

ANALYSIS -

"Monkey" - Elijah Wood's childhood nickname was "Monkey."
"Jonesing" - Elijah Wood's character in his new movie, Try Seventeen, is named Jones.
"Thumb sucking" - Elijah Wood is said to be filming a movie called Thumbsucker soon.
"Diminutive" - Elijah Wood is very short.

CONCLUSION -

Elijah Wood is VERY, VERY GAY!

what is that about?

Here’s a question that I recently posed to a friend – Why is it that when people go to the movies, they completely blow out and throw everything on the floor? Seriously though, you know exactly what I’m talking about – and there’s probably a really good chance that you’re guilty of the same crime.

The woman seated next to me at ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ on Saturday was dressed beautifully – cute dress, strappy sandals, and a Fendi bag. She and her boyfriend had soft drinks, a tub of popcorn, and a bag of jolly ranchers. With every piece of candy that was opened, a wrapper fell to the floor. With every oversized handful of popcorn that was eaten, several pieces fell to the floor. They even threw their dirty napkins on the floor. Oh, and here’s the kicker – when they got up to leave at the end of the film, they left the bucket of popcorn, and she left her empty soda just sitting there.

So here’s the thing – as blown as this sounds, it’s really nothing out of the ordinary. People blow it the fuck out when they go to the movies. Maybe it has something to do with being in the dark – that people are generally blown, they just try not to blow too hard when the lights are on. Really though, what is that about?

a high-waisted nightmare - the remix

So we'll title this posting 'a high-waisted nightmare - the remix'... which unfortunately brings us back to the topic of the High-Waist Braided Jeans by Grey Ant. As one of my readers very acutely pointed out to me, these pants have already been photographed, and appropriately fugged by one, Lauren Ambrose of Six Feet Under fame. Look closely - she's totally having a 'mom jeans' moment - and she needs to work it the fuck out. Mom jeans - with newly patented 'front butt' technology. Now that's hot!

an inconvenient truth

This weekend I saw ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ – Al Gore’s documentary about global warming, and it is an absolutely sobering movie going experience - definitely a must see. The film is not so much a film, as it is the filming of Gore delivering the multimedia presentation that he has been giving over the past three years.

Anyone who has followed Al Gore’s political career knows that for maybe the past 20 or so years, he has really been the only politician steadfast in his concern for climate change. There’s a great Upton Sinclair quote that is spoken in the film, which is that “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.” A-fucking-men – I think that anyone with even a minimal understanding of global warming knows the one basic truth – which is that our politicians have almost universally lacked Gore’s particular acumen when it comes to environmental issues. Their decided passivity has sadly lead us to a point of no turning back.

Watch the 'An Inconvenient Truth' trailer here -



It seems that after what Gore has described as our recent “nature hike through the Book of Revelations” (the record breaking heat, the melting ice fields and glaciers, the increase in tornadoes and oh yeah – the hurricanes) that perhaps, Washington is beginning to take these issues more seriously. Here’s hoping.

‘An Inconvenient Truth’ traces Gores interest in global warming all the way back to his undergraduate years at Harvard in the 1960s, where he was a student of Roger Revelle, one of the first scientists to recognize the effects of rising levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide on the Earth’s surface temperature.

In 1981, as a U.S. House rep from Tennessee, Gore held the first congressional hearing on climate change. Three years later he was elected to the Senate, where he remained until he became Vice-President in 1993. While the crux of this documentary has nothing to do with Gore himself, there are some flashback moments, as well as some voice over sections where he reflects on the recent past – namely the 2000 election debacle.

There’s a great moment during the film where Gore introduces himself to an audience by saying ‘Hi, I’m Al Gore and I used to be the next president of the United States.’ Without this turning into a PSA about Gore, and my opinions on whether he could be a viable answer for 2008 and to the Hillary juggernaut, I’ll quickly give some good stats from the film– some of the science behind climate change.

WHAT IS GLOBAL WARMING?

Carbon dioxide and other gases warm the surface of the planet naturally by trapping solar heat in the atmosphere. This is a good thing because it keeps our planet habitable. However, by burning fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil and clearing forests we have dramatically increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere and temperatures are rising.

• The number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years.
• Malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level.
• The flow of ice from glaciers in Greenland has more than doubled over the past decade.
• At least 279 species of plants and animals are already responding to global warming, moving closer to the poles.

If the warming continues, we can expect catastrophic consequences.

• Deaths from global warming will double in just 25 years -- to 300,000 people a year.
• Global sea levels could rise by more than 20 feet with the loss of shelf ice in Greenland and Antarctica, devastating coastal areas worldwide.
• Heat waves will be more frequent and more intense.
• Droughts and wildfires will occur more often.
• The Arctic Ocean could be ice free in summer by 2050.
• More than a million species worldwide could be driven to extinction by 2050.

To see some ideas about what you can do to help, go here. You can also contact your Senators as well as your state and local representatives - and urge them to push these issues to the forefront of their agendas. For contact information, go here.

life is a race and i know i can win it...

Does anyone recall the short-lived sitcom ‘Just the Ten of Us’? Remember – the spin-off from Growing Pains… the fat bald guy, Coach Lubbock and his 31 children…

I don’t know what got me thinking about this, but I’m really having a hankering. This show definitely needs to be released on DVD, or at least put into syndication or something.

Remember the slutty daughters – Cindy and Wendy, and how they were always gang-banging the football team or whatever. Then the older sister, Marie (the chick from Nightmare on Elm Street) who was always off praying somewhere and being a church douche. Oh, and then there was the nerd sister, Connie – dull as dishwater – definitely had a Saffy from AbFab vibe.

What I didn't like about this show was 1. that they were poor, 2. that the heinous parents were always being kinky with eachother - if you're white trash with 300 children, and no money to support them, keep it in your pants - and 3. the two babies and the younger brother and sister - they just took up space and annoyed me anytime they appeared on screen.

As sitcoms from your childhood go, the theme song was also pretty catchy – I’m doin’ it the best I can - Leanin’ on nobody but me - Oh, seein’ it from where I stand - Nothin’ comes easy (Nothin’ comes easy)! If you ever enjoyed this show, and are feeling a little nostalgic, here’s a clip of the intro.

What made this show a keeper for me was when the four of them formed the girl band, and named themselves ‘The Lubbock Babes’ – and they would sing ‘We are Family’ and romp and around like ninnies. Very Jem and the Holograms – loved it! Oh, and can we discuss that this is the second time in two weeks that I’ve made reference to Jem and the Holograms. How gay is that?

If I recall, Jamie Luner (Cindy) later appeared on Melrose Place – and Brooke Theiss (Wendy) played an evil sorority president on 90210. Sigh.

'till death do us part

You know I’ve already copped to being a fan of The Simple Life – and even though Trash and NicRichie are no longer on speaking terms, and there is likely a bit of a strange vibe with this, the upcoming fourth installment – I’m still totally psyched. The new season – The Simple Life – ‘till death do us part debuts on E! this coming Sunday @ 10:00.

First off, I would like to say that I am of the opinion that NicRichie single-handedly makes this show worth watching. Trash just stomps around awkwardly with her big feet and big hands, and acts like an asshat. I will give Trash her occasional moments on the show, but in my opinion, this has always been the NicRichie show.

I’m also of the opinion that the alleged rift between NicRichie and Trash is complete fiction. I mean, think of all the press that it’s given them – and how much more press they will get when they inevitably kiss and make up. The whole thing is just so weird and vague – and no one seems to know exactly what happened. Didn’t Trash make some kind of bizarre statement to the press like ‘Nicole knows what she did.’? – which ps, was the exact same thing that Tom Cruise said when he and Nicole Kidman broke up – ‘Nicole knows what she did.’

Coincidentally I heard a rumor that Kidman got pregnant by their personal trainer – which is what lead to the dissolution of her faux marriage to Zartoo, Third Overlord of Blargon 7. Oh, and when I say faux marriage, what I really mean to say is that I think Zartoo is a big nelly power bottom – aka, not so into the ladies.

So unless NicRichie cheated on Trash with their personal trainer and aborted the baby behind Trash's back, I don’t think she really knows what she did – other than give Star, Us Weekly and In Touch miles and miles of story line.

In closing I encourage you all to visit the new website, and to take the quiz – Are you a Trash or a NicRichie? My test results are in, and I am definitely a NicRichie. This is what the good folks at E! have to say about me…

‘Hey, Miss Free Spirit! Like Nicole, you’re a sweet wild child and fiercely loyal to those close to you. But you’re also one tough cookie who has no problem speaking your mind when the time is right. And forget work (what’s that?); your time is spent shopping at chic boutiques for trendsetting outfits. Fashion is serious business.’

Wow, this is freakishly on the mark. I swear - it’s like these people at E! have always known me. Wow!

snakes on a mother fuckin' plane

Ok, I need to ease into this next one, because it has kind of thrown me for a loop – Snakes on a Plane, my friends… Snakes on a Plane. First off – What the Fuck?!?! Second – What the Fuck?!?! And finally – What the Fuck?!?!

I first heard about this gem of a film last summer, and had my initial What the Fuck moment – but now that this movie is actually set to open in a few months (the G.I. Joe'esque posters are already up outside my neighborhood theatre) I’m having a bit of an existential crisis. Seriously - What the Fuck?!?!

I think I heard somewhere that Samuel L. Jackson’s films have grossed more than any other actor in Hollywood, and while I don’t know that I’ve seen any of them as of late, I don’t really think of him as being the kind of a actor who would star in a film called Snakes on a Plane. Am I missing something – is this movie so beyond the point of blown that it’s going to be some huge summer blockbuster?

Apparently ‘Snakes on a Plane’ or the even more appropriate ‘Snakes on a Mother Fuckin' Plane’ has become part of the hipster lexicon. It’s a more appropriate way of expressing your indifference or resignation – a more modernist take on ‘Shit Happens’…

WIFE – “Honey, you stepped in dog poop again.”
HUSBAND – “Snakes on a Plane…”

DOCTOR – “Your cholesterol is 290. Perhaps you should start to exercise a little.”
PATIENT – “Snakes on a Plane…”

Snakes on a Plane is set to open this August – Here’s the teaser trailer.

mahna mahna

Although I think that Dr. Pepper Diet Cherry Vanilla sounds like total flavor overkill (Diet Dr. Pepper is my soda of choice), this commercial kills me. My dogs are big fans as well – they always run to the television whenever they hear it.

In case anyone is feeling nostalgic, here is the original Mahna Mahna clip from The Muppet Show. Enjoy!

a high-waisted nightmare

Yesterday afternoon I had brunch with a friend followed by some shopping in my neighborhood. We were browsing around in Intermix, when I stumbled upon what I believe to be the most hideous pair of jeans that I have ever seen in my entire life.

Behold – the High-Waist Braided Jeans by Grey Ant, $338

I hesitated to post about this because the picture doesn’t even begin to speak to the inherent ugliness of these pants. I don’t care what Hollywood ‘It Girl’ was spotted buying these – Mischa Barton is probably wearing them right now, and I’m sure Juliette Lewis owns 37 pair. They’re beyond reproach… beyoooooond reproach! I'm really waiting for people to start pegging / tight rolling their jeans again, at which point I will jump off the roof of my building. Oh, and while we’re on the topic, ‘skinny jeans’ also need to die a long painful death – stat. Sorry NicRichie - I still love you!

love angel music baby

US Weekly reported (oh so exclusively) that Gwen Stefani pooped out her baby yesterday afternoon. I would have said that she ‘gave birth,’ but that just sounds gross – she gave birth. Ewww.

Anyway, the baby boy was named Kingston James McGregor Rossdale – which is kind of hot. First off, I am a major proponent of the double middle name. Yeeeaaah. Second, at least she didn’t name the baby Pomegranate, or Feather, or Love Angel Music Baby, or after one of her Harajuku girls or something equally blown. As an aside, did you know that Jermaine Jackson has a son named Jermajesty? Jermajesty Jackson - I’m not fucking kidding. That even beats out brother Michael and his son, Blanket. Jesus H.

Ok – I’ve gotten a bit off topic. In closing I would just like to say that I really don’t care about either Gwen or her baby – but I would like to make a quick observation, which is that Gwen Stefani was the most glamorous pregnant lady ever. She totally rocked it. Maybe now she can be known for something other than biting off of Madonna all the time.

gay and gayer

People magazine has reported that Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have filed for divorce. However, according to their lawyer, "They continue to be friends and have the utmost respect for one another." Of course they do.

Listen horsey, no one cares! I thought your marriage was a sham from go - I mean, he seems even gayer than you do. I'm just waiting for Star to crack this story - that Chad is leaving your gay ass for Ryan Phillippe - or Jared Leto. Hot!

i heart kathy griffin

I LOVE Kathy Griffin - I mean, duh! I'm totally psyched about Season Two of 'My Life on the D-List' - seriously, between 'Being Bobby Brown' and Kathy Griffin, Bravo is where it's at this summer. I'm even more excited to see Kathy live in two weeks. We saw her last year, and I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life. Roseanne is great live - Margaret Cho is great live - but seeing Kathy Griffin perform live is truly a religious experience.

In anticipation of these events, I would like to share a few recent KG gems -

"Tonight we are giving away many awards. We're honoring a lot of amazing artists - but I'm going to go off book, and I'm going to tell you I think that there was a show that was overlooked. Someone did the costume design for a brilliant show called Being Bobby Brown - and they deserve a goddamn award. Do you think it was easy dressing Whitney Houston every day? Hell to the no! Somebody had to take traces of crack cocaine out of her tank top - damn it. Somebody worked hard, and for what? So you snobs pass 'em by."

Kathy was also recently interviewed by the Indianapolis Star, and was asked about her opinion of Clay Aiken and what he needs to do to repair his tarnished image. (Source)

"First of all, major relocation," Griffin replied. "He has to leave the country. He has to be like Josephine Baker or David Hasselhoff and find a fan base overseas. I think once you have had your picture in the Star tabloid with four webcam pictures of you hooking up with a guy and you don't have a shirt on, it's time for a vacation."

Griffin also said that Aiken should turn to Barry Manilow for advice. "He has to have a long sit-down with Manilow and get a game plan," she said. "He has to say, 'Barry, I want you to plan out my next year. I'll do whatever you say.' He should follow the footsteps of his obvious mentor."

Griffin also had some harsh words for this season's contestants. "Don't you love when they talk about their 'fans' without one hint of irony?" she asked. "I'm looking at them and thinking, you're going to be working at The Limited at the mall in about eight days. So knock it off with your 'fans'."

Yeeeaaah Hot!

i don't know if winning is the best thing for me

Yes, I’m sad that my girl Katharine McPhee didn’t win – but haven’t we come to expect tragedy when America turns out to vote? I’m used to it by now. I think it might be better for her career not having to lug around that stupid crown anyway. Looks like Katharine is going to be keeping pretty busy. In an interview on Extra, she revealed that Steven Spielberg has requested a meeting. I’ll bet she’s totally dreading the (cringe) upcoming Idol tour of champions.

“Steven Spielberg would like to have a meeting with me. That, for me I think, was the thing that really made this last week calming for me. "I just was like, 'Wow, Steven Spielberg would like to have a meeting with me.' That's incredible! I think that was the moment where I turned to a couple of my close friends, who have been through this competition and I was like, 'I don't know if winning is the best thing for me.'”

Hilarious. Another amazing moment was during the finale was when Ryan Seacrest handed Kat and Taylor the keys to their new Mustangs or whatever. Could she have looked any less impressed? You know Kit Kat wouldn’t be caught dead in some shitty domestic muscle car. Love her!

donna martin graduates

David Silver – you sly dog. These pictures surfaced today, showing David err Brian Austin Green receiving some adoration sous la table. When I first saw these pictures, I assumed that our little frotteur was Lindsay Lohan – an honest mistake. I mean, haven’t we all come to expect these kinds of trashy displays from our favorite Long Island teen? Fortunately for Lindsay, that last picture gets her off the hook – for now.

As it turns out this classy babe is Megan Fox – yeah, neither do I. Nor do I care. Her parents must be so proud right now. At least David still looks good, if not a little dirty sexy scary. Donna Martin graduates!

elizabeth taylor and her white diamonds

Set your Tivos now, kiddies – Tuesday, May 30^th, 9:00 ET. Everyone’s favorite, perpetually tragic and always dying legendary permapig, Elizabeth Taylor (and her white diamonds) will be sitting down with Larry King next week for what could 'possibly be her last interview'.

Ok so here’s the thing about Liz – hasn’t she been near death since birth? A few years ago I watched an A&E Biography special about her life, and if I recall, bitch has been declared dead twice already – yet she always bounces back – to life… literally.

It has been reported that she has some secrets to spill this time around. Here’s hoping for husband number 8, a new fragrance launch or maybe some new diamonds - or that she’s at least sloppy drunk or addicted to crystal or something fun. Maybe she's planning another birthday celebration at Disneyland - the big 75 is just around the corner. Jesus Liz, give us something this time ‘round.

and you, and you, and you - you're gonna love me!

Beyoncé and Co. (including former Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson, and Jamie Foxx, who has taken some time away from his bustling ‘music career’) were at Cannes last week to debut a preview of Dreamgirls. The film isn’t due until December, but has of course already started to generate some Oscar buzz. Here’s a little featurette on the making of the film –

This is going to be HOT!

a'quiness, ah ka fortatuna donna

All of this Tom Cruise talk has gotten me thinking about another celebrity überblow, one who hasn’t gotten very much press as of late – Anne Heche.

I don’t know that I could name even one movie in which she has appeared – but I vividly (and fondly) recall her interview with Bawbwa Wawas on 20/20 a few years ago – as it was an absolute train wreck of epic proportions. At the time she was promoting her new book (aptly titled Call Me Crazy), which addressed her struggles with abuse as a child, and… no joke, her altar ego Celestia who conversed freely with ‘Quiness’ (aka God) in a made up space language.

At one point during the interview, Bawbwa asks her if she still remembers this other language – to which Heche responds “of course” and then launches into her incoherent space babblings - the shit is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s.

What she actually said was - A'Quiness, ah ka fortatuna donna, which in her psycho-babble translates to “It is a good fortune, Isadan, to be here.” Watch an edited clip here - but more importantly, Listen to this! Are you dying yet?

At another point during the interview, Heche said – and I quote -

“I had another personality. I had a fantasy world. I called my other personality Celestia. I called the other world that I created for myself the Fourth Dimension. I believed I was from another planet. I think I was insane.”

Insane? No shit?

In August of 2000, one day after she and Ellen broke up, a dazed and confused (and on ecstasy) Heche got into her car and drove five hours from Los Angeles to Fresno. This trip was to be the culmination of a journey – Celestia was going to Fresno to get on the spaceship which would take her to the ‘Fourth Dimension’ to live with Quiness.

To make a long story short, she ended up in someone’s back yard – the police were called, and crazy cakes was strapped to a gurney and carted away to the psych ward. Priceless – absolutely fucking priceless.

tom cruise - aka zartoo third overlord of blargon 7

Just real quick – and this comes from a guy who has subscriptions to both US Weekly and Star magazines - WHO FUCKING CARES! I’ve seen better beards on – well…

Oh, and btw - it doesn't matter how many free massages you give out in the subway station - if your religion is barely 50 years old, it's a cult. So suck it.

At least Nicole Kidman was somewhat convincing in the role - but then again, she does have an Academy Award.

Nicole, I must say that you have long been a favorite of mine - but I'm really not feeling this recent development. What a mess you've gotten yourself into - and you could have had such gorgeous babies! I pray that you are reproductively challenged, or that they get your nose at least. Sheesh.

try selling crazy somewhere else

What were the highlights of the American Idol finale, you ask? No, not Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks – but Toni Braxton, Meatloaf and Gayken.

I really don’t have much to say about that ‘In The Ghetto’ song itself, but could I please have some of whatever Toni Braxton was on? Valium? Percocet? Vicodin? Horse Tranquilizers? I couldn’t make out a single word that she said – she just kind of slobbered on the microphone a whole lot, mumbled and swayed back and forth. For a minute, I thought that Paula had stumbled on stage. Poor Crazy – he looked a little frightened.

As for Meatloaf - Hein. I honestly thought that he was having a stroke at the beginning of his duet with Katharine. He was seriously out of tune the entire time. He just seemed very child molester scary. Poor Katharine just can't catch a break.

The absolute highlight of the entire night had to have been the Gayken moment – with his heinous little mini-gay. Did you notice how mini-gay got all into the song - 'Don't Let Clay Aiken Go Down On Me' - an Elton John song fittingly enough. Girl blew it out! Some of what I had read prior to tonight mentioned that the press at the finale were forbidden to question Gayken about his recent scandal or his sexuality. But for reals – that was totally his official coming out party, and I loved every second of it. Seriously a transcedent moment.

And Taylor - try selling crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.

purple velvet blazer with a snug fit

I’m thoroughly grossed out right now. Taylor Hicks can suck it – and Fox, um - the Abyssinian Baptist Church called – they want their choir back. Every year it’s the same routine – a soul choir dressed in church robes swaying back and forth and smiling on as the potential American Idol sings their way through some heinous song written by Tamyra Gray. I would have paid good money if one of the choir members had done the ‘I’m saved dance’ or at least put their hand in the air and waved it around a little – you know, feeling the spirit and all. I think the only time this tactic worked was with Fantasia – it just made sense, somehow.

A purple velvet blazer with a snug fit? Perfection. I mean, for fuck’s sake – did you get dressed in the dark? Your stylist should be drug into the ally behind the Kodak Theatre and shot in the face. Blown with a capital BLOWN!

white trash pretty

Can Denise Richards just go back to the trailer park from whence she came? I am so sick of hearing about this fug piece of trash - I could scream. Bitch, did you not watch Melrose Place? No one fucks with Amanda Woodward!

Denise Richards is what I like to call 'White Trash Pretty.' There's something very five and dime about the whole thing - it just doesn't work for me. Other members of this club include Chicken of the Sea, Nicole Eggert (yeeeaaah Jamie Powell) and überfug Jaime Pressly.

Strangely Britty Peers does not fit into this elusive category – at least not in my book.

take me to the place you cry from

Teri Hatcher is reportedly among the celebrities who are slated to attend the American Idol finale. Ryan Seacrest always recognizes celebrities that are in the audience – I wonder if he’ll give a big shout out to his homegirl, Teri. I’m a huge fan of awkward moments, so here’s hoping.

Oh, and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Crazy will likely be crowned the new American Idol – but America, do you really want to be inside his heaven? Do you really want to be taken to the place that he cries from? Nor do I – Hein.

go home and take a shower!

Let’s rewind to last week’s episode involving Brandon Davis and his verbal assault on Lindsay Lohan. Since that hit the fan, there have been a number of developments. First, Paris’s publicist, Elliott Mintz went into serious damage control, releasing the following statement -

"The only thing I want to underscore is the person making the statements was not Paris Hilton," he says, "It is unfair to characterize Brandon's statements as being reflective of Paris' feelings about Lindsay. We're dealing with two different people. It was Brandon who was speaking, of course there are moments when Paris was laughing, but she never said anything. Brandon was speaking for himself not for her. Personally," he adds, "I found the incident unnecessary."

As for Paris egging Brandon on and holding up her cell phone, Mintz says: "Paris uses her cell phone as a defensive tool. Many times when you see her photographed in a crowd situation, she puts it up to her ear so she doesn't have to speak. In the cacophony and din of screaming, nobody could have had a telephone conversation. Reporters were asking her questions about Lindsay that she did not want to answer, so she put her cell phone up to her ear. Brandon was not speaking for Paris. Period."

Next it was reported that Brandon called and apologized to Lindsay, who on her part has pretty much kept quiet about the whole thing. I guess being poor and living in a hotel in New York keeps her pretty busy - that and, making out with Paris's ex-fiance at Bungalow. Point, Lohan. Yesterday this video surfaced, which turns the tables on Davis when an irate fan of Lindsay Lohan verbally attacks him outside of a nightclub this past weekend. Don’t worry LiLo, Juanita’s got your back.

“What does your own shit taste like, Brandon? I’m sure it tastes real well. Go talk about more 19 year old girls, you little bitch. Asshole!...Oh, I’m so fired up right now – Oh my God! That’s for Lindsay. That’s round one…. Hey Brandon – what do you have to say about Lindsay Lohan now?... Go home and take a shower – Go home and take a shower. Lindsay Lohan earns her money. You get it from daddy – so walk away. Walk away Brandon – you’re not welcome here… since the inheritor of an oil company needs to be greasy… Come on… say something. No wonder Mischa dumped your sorry ass. Asshole!”

The popcorn is popped - and I am sooooo read for Round Three!