a'quiness, ah ka fortatuna donna

All of this Tom Cruise talk has gotten me thinking about another celebrity überblow, one who hasn’t gotten very much press as of late – Anne Heche.

I don’t know that I could name even one movie in which she has appeared – but I vividly (and fondly) recall her interview with Bawbwa Wawas on 20/20 a few years ago – as it was an absolute train wreck of epic proportions. At the time she was promoting her new book (aptly titled Call Me Crazy), which addressed her struggles with abuse as a child, and… no joke, her altar ego Celestia who conversed freely with ‘Quiness’ (aka God) in a made up space language.

At one point during the interview, Bawbwa asks her if she still remembers this other language – to which Heche responds “of course” and then launches into her incoherent space babblings - the shit is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s.

What she actually said was - A'Quiness, ah ka fortatuna donna, which in her psycho-babble translates to “It is a good fortune, Isadan, to be here.” Watch an edited clip here - but more importantly, Listen to this! Are you dying yet?

At another point during the interview, Heche said – and I quote -

“I had another personality. I had a fantasy world. I called my other personality Celestia. I called the other world that I created for myself the Fourth Dimension. I believed I was from another planet. I think I was insane.”

Insane? No shit?

In August of 2000, one day after she and Ellen broke up, a dazed and confused (and on ecstasy) Heche got into her car and drove five hours from Los Angeles to Fresno. This trip was to be the culmination of a journey – Celestia was going to Fresno to get on the spaceship which would take her to the ‘Fourth Dimension’ to live with Quiness.

To make a long story short, she ended up in someone’s back yard – the police were called, and crazy cakes was strapped to a gurney and carted away to the psych ward. Priceless – absolutely fucking priceless.