'till death do us part

You know I’ve already copped to being a fan of The Simple Life – and even though Trash and NicRichie are no longer on speaking terms, and there is likely a bit of a strange vibe with this, the upcoming fourth installment – I’m still totally psyched. The new season – The Simple Life – ‘till death do us part debuts on E! this coming Sunday @ 10:00.

First off, I would like to say that I am of the opinion that NicRichie single-handedly makes this show worth watching. Trash just stomps around awkwardly with her big feet and big hands, and acts like an asshat. I will give Trash her occasional moments on the show, but in my opinion, this has always been the NicRichie show.

I’m also of the opinion that the alleged rift between NicRichie and Trash is complete fiction. I mean, think of all the press that it’s given them – and how much more press they will get when they inevitably kiss and make up. The whole thing is just so weird and vague – and no one seems to know exactly what happened. Didn’t Trash make some kind of bizarre statement to the press like ‘Nicole knows what she did.’? – which ps, was the exact same thing that Tom Cruise said when he and Nicole Kidman broke up – ‘Nicole knows what she did.’

Coincidentally I heard a rumor that Kidman got pregnant by their personal trainer – which is what lead to the dissolution of her faux marriage to Zartoo, Third Overlord of Blargon 7. Oh, and when I say faux marriage, what I really mean to say is that I think Zartoo is a big nelly power bottom – aka, not so into the ladies.

So unless NicRichie cheated on Trash with their personal trainer and aborted the baby behind Trash's back, I don’t think she really knows what she did – other than give Star, Us Weekly and In Touch miles and miles of story line.

In closing I encourage you all to visit the new website, and to take the quiz – Are you a Trash or a NicRichie? My test results are in, and I am definitely a NicRichie. This is what the good folks at E! have to say about me…

‘Hey, Miss Free Spirit! Like Nicole, you’re a sweet wild child and fiercely loyal to those close to you. But you’re also one tough cookie who has no problem speaking your mind when the time is right. And forget work (what’s that?); your time is spent shopping at chic boutiques for trendsetting outfits. Fashion is serious business.’

Wow, this is freakishly on the mark. I swear - it’s like these people at E! have always known me. Wow!