tom cruise - aka zartoo third overlord of blargon 7

Just real quick – and this comes from a guy who has subscriptions to both US Weekly and Star magazines - WHO FUCKING CARES! I’ve seen better beards on – well…

Oh, and btw - it doesn't matter how many free massages you give out in the subway station - if your religion is barely 50 years old, it's a cult. So suck it.

At least Nicole Kidman was somewhat convincing in the role - but then again, she does have an Academy Award.

Nicole, I must say that you have long been a favorite of mine - but I'm really not feeling this recent development. What a mess you've gotten yourself into - and you could have had such gorgeous babies! I pray that you are reproductively challenged, or that they get your nose at least. Sheesh.