ah ha ha ha - stayin' alive, stayin' alive

So apparently Scientology is still gay. The National Enquirer published this photo yesterday - of avowed heterosexual, John Travolta in a lip-lock with some guy. Rumors have circulated about this guy for decades, and I'm not sure, but where I come from, straight guys tend not to kiss each other on the mouth. I'm just saying...

As far as I'm concerned, anyone who is truly interested in John Travolta's sexuality need only look as far as the stills from Staying Alive. I mean, come on - gay gay gayer than pink suede.

holy fucking mother fuck!

Sometimes when I see something really shocking, I will involuntarily release a rather loud scream. I know it's kind of dramatic, but you know what, it's pretty much beyond my control. You see, these kinds of circumstances are at times, quite dire. For instance, like earlier today when I stumbled upon these ghastly snaps of the Queen of Soul, Ms. Aretha Franklin.

If I recall, I believe that I screamed “Holy Fucking Mother Fuck!” Seriously though, exactly what is going on there? I mean, I know she's not trying to get away with spaghetti straps!?! Listen Miss Thang, plus size gals on the go should never try to rock spaghetti straps. Never! Everyone knows that!

If she gives one false step, rows A-J would be completely and utterly done for - an absolute wrap! Girl is literally a hot mess. If there was ever a situation for which the word brutal should be used, this is it. BRUTAL - with a capital HOLY FUCKING MOTHER FUCK!

phenomenal

So here's a little window into my madness. Lately, whenever I hear, think or say the word "phenomenal", I instantly think of that classic Mahna-Mahna clip from The Muppet Show. I don't know what it is - maybe it's because I posted about that clip a few months ago - maybe I'm just completely losing it.

But here's the thing - as it turns out, I'm not the only lunatic. Before I put together these amazing (phenomenal) graphics, I did a google image search of "phenomenal" - and lo and behold - the second image was this...

If you're interested in joing me in the loony bin, I would suggest that you think about what I just said, and then watch the following clip.

but his wife is a control freak!

I was totally loving that whole pee-break drama on CNN yesterday, and am equally loving that the video clip is finally available. In case you haven't heard, yesterday while CNN played live footage of the President giving some address about Hurricane Katrina, anchorwoman, Kyra Phillips too a little pee-break. As luck would have it, she accidentally forgot to turn off her microphone, and about a minute's worth of her bathroom gab fest was heard over President Bush's address.

Here is a transcript of the conversation that was broadcast around the world. I'm especially loving the manner in which she completely trash talks her sister-in-law. Priceless! I'm sure those holiday dinner conversations will be interesting...

Kyra Phillips: ""assholes.Yeah, I'm very lucky in that regard with my husband. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely a loving, you know, no ego.[unintelligible] you know what I'm saying. Just a really passionate, compassionate great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They're hard to find. Yup. But they are out there."

[unidentified woman]: "We'll see. He's going to come, you know, he's set for an extended visit.[unintelligible]"

Phillips: "I mean, that's, that's how you figure it all out, those extended visits. [laughter]"

[unidentified woman]: "Yeah, but my mom, I think she really likes him."

Phillips: "Mom's got a good vibe? Good."

[unidentified woman]: "Yeah, my brother's the one that.[unintelligible]"

Phillips: "Brother-of course, brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I've got to be protective of him."

[unidentified woman [unintelligible]

Phillips: "Yeah. He's married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak.”

[unidentified woman #2]: "Kyra."

Phillips: "Yeah, baby?"

[unidentified woman #2]: "Your mic is on. Turn it off. It's been on the air."

Seconds later, Daryn Kagan stumbled through this awkward transition:

Daryn Kagan: "Alright, we've been listening in to President Bush as he speaks in, uh, New Orleans today. This is the one year anniversary of Katrina making land shore there. President Bush saying if another natural disaster hits, our country. We must, uh, react better than that. Let's listen in once again to President Bush."

percocet? valium? vicodin? horse tranquilizers?

Why is it that Paula Abdul is permanently 9 sheets to the wind? I mean, it doesn't matter where she is or what she's doing - she's always completely fucked! As previously discussed, her dress at Sunday's Emmy Awards was a complete disaster - as if she'd stolen the curtains from Strawberry Shortcake's house and fashioned a dress out of them. So it's only apropos that she would have been a total mess in her red carpet interviews as well.



Meanwhile, here is a funny compilation of Paula when she was on QVC hawking her cheap jewelry line - which of course, is covered in stars and pink hearts and stupid bullshit like that. She and Mariah should join forces.

bricked trash

Ok, so here's the thing - Praise Jesus that the fucking Trash album bricked! Well ok, debuting at #6 is no small feat, but it certainly isn't the huge success that her people had anticipated. To add insult to injury, she was beaten by Raven-Symoné's "Cheetah Girls 2 Soundtrack". Hey - at least she trumped "Now That's What I Call Music - Volume 22". Just barely, but still. Poor Trash - so close, yet so far.

guiness book of world records

When I was little I loved the Guiness Book of World Records. I especially enjoyed looking at the pictures - like the ones where crazy people had grown their hair or fingernails to be 9 feet long or something. Anyway, have you ever wondered what would happen if you wore 121 shirts at the same time? You get a world record.

And so it was that Will Sharp, a 25-year old native Washingtonian who revels in "the hilarity of the absurd," enlisted David Alexander, his friend and former roommate, to be his T-shirt dummy in an attempt to break a Guinness World Record for the most T-shirts worn at once.

The old record, set in Britain last year: 107.

Sharp and Alexander's record, set at Porter's Dining Saloon in Dupont Circle last month: 121.

Alexander, who weighs 210 pounds shirtless, tipped the scale at 285 pounds in full garb.

Hilarity of the absurd, indeed.

Sharp spent roughly two hours wrestling the tees -- which ranged in size from small to 8XL -- over his friend's head and arms, calling out each number as they progressed, per Guinness rules. In 93 degree heat on the bar's patio, Alexander sweat through the first 36 shirts.

The duo had wondered why the previous record holder had stopped at 107. By 60, they understood: The necks grew tight, the shoulders constricting, and the sleeves so long that Alexander couldn't bend his elbows.

It took 30 minutes and four guys with scissors to cut Alexander out of the cloth. All was documented on videotape, which the duo plans to send to Guinness to earn the official title.

For Alexander, going for the record was fun, if highly uncomfortable.

For Sharp, going for the record was "a dream come true." He designs Urban Outfitters-esque T-shirts; his company website, Durkl.com, includes a bio that boasts fictional Guinness Records (e.g. "most expensive orthodontist bill" and "spiking the most Middle School punch bowls"). "Just doing something so completely ridiculous, it fits me and my company perfectly," he says.

One might even say it fits to a T.

Source - The Washington Post

wonder woman

Katharine McPhee has continued to outshine Crazy (aka Taylor Hicks). Both of them (along with that trailer trash Pickler girl) are set to release their albums in November, but Katharine has continued to pick up lucrative endorsement deals and other projects. She has been having meetings with Steven Spielberg, is currently producing a play here in New York, and is widely rumored to be in consideration for three high profile movies - Wicked, Dallas, and Wonder Woman.

The Wonder Woman rumors started circulating a few months ago, but yesterday TMZ posted another blurb about how Katharine is evidently still in contention. According to TMZ -

A well-placed source tells TMZ that Kat, who has the same theatrical manager as another ailment-prone hottie, Lindsay Lohan, is one of the lucky ladies up for the highly coveted lead role in the big-screen adaptation of "Wonder Woman."

Everyone from Sandra Bullock to Kate Beckinsale has been rumored to be in the running for the starring role in the movie, which will be directed by Joss Whedon, who created "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." While it's up in the air if she will be sporting those trademark red boots, tights and bracelets, you will still be able to see Kat wearing a lot less very soon.

TMZ has learned that Katharine, who has struggled with bulimia, will appear on the cover of an upcoming issue of Shape magazine, wearing a bathing suit. Now in a much healthier place, McPhee will show off her killer curves for all the world to see.

With all the prospects in her future, and despite coming in second on "Idol," It looks like Kat is no one-hit wonder, Justin Guarini be damned!

little miss sunshine

A quick word of advice - RUN, don't walk - to see the film, Little Miss Sunshine. It's seriously the funniest thing that I've seen in quite a long time - laugh out loud funny! Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear, Paul Dano and Alan Arkin are all great - but I'm guessing that the little girl, Abigail Breslin is nominated for best supporting actress for the upcoming awards season.

Here's the trailer - seriously, go see this film!

more emmys red carpet

Here are a some more red carpet photos from last night's 58th Annual Emmy Awards -

Allison Janney, Jane Kaczmarek, Chandra Wilson

Heidi Klum, Christa Miller, Sofia Milos

Mary McCormack, Blythe Danner, Vanessa Minnillo

Megan Mullally, Mariska Hargitay, Amy Poehler

Evangeline Lilly, Cheryl Hines, Leah Remini

Ellen Pompeo, Sandra Oh, Jaime Pressly

Virginia Madsen, Tyra Banks, Calista Flockhart

Lisa Kudrow, Lisa Rinna, Maria Menounos

Portia de Rossi, Alfre Woodard, Felicity Huffman

Jenna Fischer, Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Love Hewitt

Paula Abdul, Kyra Sedgwick, Sarah Chalke

Jennifer Morrison, Debra Messing, Helen Mirren

Eva Longoria, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Lisa Edelstein

why is it always what i want?

Ok, I can't tell you how much I love this Cingular commercial. I don't know what it is, but it just gets me every time. Absolutely hilarious!

fuck conan o'brien!

Pretty much everything that I've read has been positive about Conan O'Brien at last night's Emmy Awards - oh, except for all of that bullshit about the plane crash parody in the intro clip.



Personally, I thought that he was fine - but every time I saw Jon Stewart in the audience, I kept wishing that he was up there in Conan's place.

When I was in college I watched Conan nearly every night. I haven't watched his show in several years, and I'll tell you why - because he's a fucking asshole! He lives a block from me, so I've run into him on numerous occasions - usually when he's walking his golden retriever. He seriously acts like the biggest assface on the planet - always scowling and being gruff. His dog always wants to greet mine, and Conan has, on more than one occasion, walked into the street to avoid people and their dogs. I'm telling you, it's weird!


So here's the thing - New Yorkers don't give much of a flying fuck about celebrities (at least we don't pretend to). If there's one thing that the Upper West Side of Manhattan is known for, it's celebrity infestation. My other famous neighbors include Liam Neeson, Natasha Richardson, Richard Dreyfuss, Howard Stern, Sting, Regis Philbin, Phoebe Cates, Cynthia Nixon, Linda Evangelista, Tony Danza, Joan Allen, Yoko Ono and Dianne Wiest - all of whom act perfectly pleasant and normal. Hell, even my neighbor, America's Next Top Model Cycle Two winner, Yoanna House hasn't let the fame go to her head.

Fuck Conan O'Brien!

2006 emmy awards - red carpet recap

I plan on doing a full tilt 2006 Emmy Awards recap later today, but before I do that I would just like to quickly sing the praises of Kyra Sedgwick - who looked AMAZING tonight. She was absolute perfection in that dove grey tulle and chiffon, Armani Privé couture gown. Now, I don't watch her show "The Closer", but I've definitely been watching her on the red carpet over the last year. She has been consistently gorgeous, and not afraid to take risks.

From left to right is as follows: 2005 Emmy Awards - J. Mendel; 2006 Golden Globes - Bottega Veneta; 2006 SAG Awards - J. Mendel; 2006 Tony Awards - Emanuel Ungaro


Honestly, I think that the majority of women looked great tonight. Off hand, my other favorites included Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Narciso Rodriguez, Evangeline Lilly in Versace, Calista Flockhart in Derek Lam, Sandra Oh in Vera Wang, Katherine Heigl in Escada, and Debra Messing in Alberta Ferretti. I also thought that Helen Mirren, Alfre Woodard and Allison Janney all looked pretty fab. The only trainwreck that I can recall right now, was Paula Abdul who was in some tragic Laura Ashley-esque floral dribble piss. Expect a longer Emmy recap later.