crocs

I’ve been meaning to get something off of my chest for a while now, and here goes – what is up with those plastic shoes that everyone is wearing? You know what I’m talking about, and you’ve probably seen them in every putrid color imaginable. They have holes in them… and ankle straps – and they even have a name. Crocs, ladies and gentlemen – Crocs – as in Crock of shit.

Now here’s the thing - I can enjoy a nice gardening clog – you know, for when you’re working in your garden or doing those Martha Stewarty tasks… but these hideous Crocs are taking over the fucking world. People of all ages are wearing them anywhere and everywhere – and in Manhattan for Christ’s sake.

Here’s another thing – I don’t care if I’ve offended you. In fact, if you’re actually wearing these goddamn things, I hope that I have offended you – because you have offended me! Please do yourself and everyone else a gigantic favor, and throw them in the nearest dust bin immediately – or give them to your sensible (and unfashionable) lesbian friend.

God knows everyone has one of those. In closing I would just like to say that these things are like $20. Again, please do yourself a favor and buy something that's not made out of plastic. Shoes should be neither plastic nor $20. Thanks!