i'm a model for vogue, not sports illustrated, honey.

Once upon a time, permapig Janice Dickinson was my boo. Then she went on The Surreal Life and acted like an even bigger asshole than I thought was humanly possible, and in turn was replaced by Twiggy on America’s Next Top Model. There was never much of an explanation as to why Janice was replaced on the show – but my assumption, and I’m sure everyone else’s was that Ty Ty Baby had finally reached her fill of crazy.

Now Ms. Dickinson is doing the rounds promoting her new book, modeling agency, and show on Oxygen. She’s currently mugging on the cover of HX this week, and there’s a hilarious interview to accompany. Here’s a little snippet –

HX - The pressure! Well, I want to know why you still made appearances on America’s Next Top Model after getting fired as a judge?

Janice - Why should I care? I’m a model for Vogue, not Sports Illustrated, honey. Get it? No helicopters land on my forehead. Get it? I’m still modeling and I’m a perfect size 24 jeans. Get it? Rrrowr!

HX - I get it. Tyra had Naomi Campbell on her daytime talk show to sort out their differences. Would you consider that?

Janice - Please, Tyra wishes she were the man that Naomi is. Why would I want to sort out her mother smother? Let her figure it out herself.

HX - Would you ever pull a Jamie Lee Curtis and do a magazine cover without a stitch of makeup?

Janice - Are you fucking crazy? Absolutely fucking not! Jamie Lee Curtis is a man. I will die and they’ll dig me up like King Tut - I’ll have a perfect pair of silicone breasts, fake nails, a perfect weave. I’ll have 0.0 body fat and I will achieve the skeleton look that I’ve searching for my entire life. And then I’ll be perfect.

HX - Any plastic surgery scheduled for the near-future? Janice - I’m going in for a penile implant next - a good 12 inches. You have enough on me?

HX - Yes, but before I let you go, I need your expert opinion: Did Ashlee Simpson have a nose job or not?

Janice - Oh, you’re an asshole for asking such a stupid question. Goodbye! (hangs up)

I think Janice Dickinson may have just landed herself back in my good graces. Love it!