black rubber bracelets and vans

Hmmm - I think I might dislike ASSlee Simpson even more than I dislike her sister, Chicken of the Sea. At least Chicken of the Sea doesn’t purport to be anything more than what she is – shallow, stupid white trash. I mean, I haven’t followed ASSlee’s ‘career’ and I don’t really know the first thing about her – but wasn’t her whole shtick that she was the anti-Chicken of the Sea? – what with all of the faux punk grunge wear (black rubber bracelets and Vans) – hideous. Suddenly she’s wearing dresses and getting plastic surgery?

Just for the record, I believe ASSlee’s before shot to be light years better than Chicken of the Sea’s. At least now I know why she’s always pushing the Proactiv at 2 am. Ewww.

So here’s the other thing about the Simpson Family. I have two theories that I would like to share. First, and perhaps the most obvious involves Chicken of the Sea and ASSlee’s father, Papa Joe. My theory is that when those girls were growing up, dirty filthy trifling disgusting things happened in that house. Mmmm Hmmmm. Oh, and judging from this picture, his nose could also benefit from a visit to the family surgeon.

My second theory involves Mother Simpson. Does she have a name? Does it matter? Real quick – No, and I’ll tell you why. This bitch is totally Lynne Spears – yes that Lynne Spears.

You look at these pictures and try to tell me that this isn’t the same woman. Jesus, you’d think that would be a conflict of interest, wouldn’t you!?! If I were Britney I would be fucking pissed - but then she seems to have enough to worry about.