maggie the cat is alive!

Ok Lindsay - this is not a good look. I don’t care how many Robert Altman films you’re in. You’re NOT Maggie The Cat, and you’re NOT Elizabeth Taylor. You are Long Island Trash, and you need to work it out immediately! For fuck’s sake – drop the wig and the negligee. Go put on your skinny jeans, grab your Balenciaga bag and snort something already!

Sadly Liz Taylor on Larry King didn’t prove to be nearly as exciting as I had hoped. She did confirm that she is in fact, still alive and doing well. At the top of the hour, she did a little scolding of the tabloid press and the constant rumors that have enveloped her.

"Oh my God. Am I dead? Am I alive? Oh come on, do I look like I'm dying? Do I look like or sound like I have Alzheimer's?"

Her big news that had been promised… the secrets that were to be spilled… she is launching her own eponymous line of high-end jewelry - House of Taylor Jewelry, to be exact. Hot! One funny moment came during the segment in which Liz showed some of her jewelry line to Larry. He asked the wrong question, and she started shrieking like a banshee.

Larry - This is costume jewelry, though, right?

Liz - WHAT!?!

Larry - Wait a minute, these are diamonds?

Liz - You bet your ass they are!

Although the hour was pretty uneventful, there was a great train wreck moment – that had very little to do with Liz, surprisingly. As is the custom on Larry King Live, viewers were calling in with questions. At one point they had this BLOW from West Virginia on the phone. Bitch was seriously 9 sheets to the wind.

Blown Caller - Hello, Elizabeth…

Liz - Hi.

Blown Caller - I am so pleased to talk to you. Hello. How are you, Mrs. Elizabeth Taylor?

Liz - I'm fine, thank you.

Blown Caller - You look beautiful…

Liz - Thank you.

Blown Caller - And you look as beautiful…

Larry - What's the question, dear?

Her voice was all loopy and she kept trailing off… and off – the look on Liz Taylor’s face was priceless. Fuck, I wish I had the audio! Truly a classic TV moment – you’ll just have to trust me on this one.