Yeeeaaah Hot

Thursday, June 15, 2006

a hot ghetto mess

I’m sure that some of you have seen these pictures that surfaced earlier this week, showing Shitney Houston in some church, no doubt raising her arms in the air and doing the ‘I’m Saved’ dance. Hot.

These photos reminded me of something that I read about last week, and about which I have been meaning to post. Some blow out in LA has organized a grass roots campaign to show support for Shitney, and to announce what he has dubbed the ‘We love you, Whitney’ Day – which is slated for July 1st.

What kinds of activities are planned for this day of commemoration, you ask? My plans are pretty much still up in the air, but I have devised a few preliminary activities. First, I would like to organize a little arts and crafts session. You know, maybe track down a homeless man and see if he can show us all how to fashion a
crack pipe out of some rubber bands, a roll of scotch tape and a bic pen. Then I thought that maybe we could all make a pilgrimage to a hair weave salon or a wig store or something festive. You know, chat up a weavestress and get a few tips and pointers on how to keep your weave nice and fresh. Later we could all go buy some forties of Old E and maybe tip a little out onto the street in a show of solidarity. These are just a few ideas – I’m totally open to suggestions.

The man behind this mission is one Calvin ‘Cashears’ Shears, a Los Angeles based cabaret singer. Shears has been interviewed by some local newspapers and radio stations out in the LA area, and has said that he is hoping for good participation - to the tune of maybe 50-60 cities participating nationwide. And if by city, he means two crack heads in someone’s basement, I’m sure he’s well on his way to cracking those numbers.

"I am contacting radio stations to get the word out about Whitney and I am also sending out letters to people across the country to lend their support," he added. "I'm calling on all "black politicians, ministers, civil rights groups, black radio stations, newspapers, college students and the rest of our people to send a collective message of thunderous love across America to Whitney Houston."

Cashears says his effort is rooted in a profound love of the Grammy-winning diva, or, in his book, “the greatest female voice of all time.”

I'll do whatever it takes to save Whitney," said Cashears, who is promoting the “We Love You, Whitney” Day by passing out hundreds of flyers throughout the Los Angeles area featuring photos of the singer looking high and disheveled. A headline on the flyer reads: "She's Crying Out For Help! Will We Save Her?"

Ok so here’s my situation with Shitney. I’m really on the fence with this one. Obviously her talent is larger than life, and I know everyone loves a great comeback. Shit, this would be the comeback to end all comebacks if she could pull it off! Honestly though, I don’t think it will ever happen! Girl is a hot mess. If she'd only listen to these guys...

Sure she could kick that pesky crack cocaine habit, but that bitch’s voice is shot! Her last live performance was in Turino this past February for some Olympic bullshit, and Holy Mary Mother of God! FourFour had a little audio clip that is phenomenal. Listen Here. If you’re even more adventurous, you can go here to download an extended clip of over three deliciously torturous minutes.

So my being on the fence with Shitney is primarily because I love a good train wreck – and well, hello! I love that she only ever wears that one wig – the one that’s always on backwards, and looks wet around the edges and kind of sticky all over. I love the recent pictorial of her cracked out bathroom… the one that was in the National Enquirer. All of these things really moisturize my situation.

Seriously though, she is the mother of all blows, and I love her for it! If she’s gonna go and get healthy or some shit, than some other celebrity über-blow had better step into her shoes, and STAT!

My friend Ouizer will likely be upset that I am picking on his diva, so as a peace offering, I’m posting a vintage clip of Shitney, singing ‘Saving All My Love For You’ at the 1986 Grammy Awards... classic pre-crack Shitney. Enjoy

Ok, so maybe I am in favor of a Shitney comeback, but only if she brings Britty and her cheetos back with her!


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