too funky for me...

Jesus – someone call Scotland Yard – George Michael has officially lost it. Now, I’ll be the first to declare my adoration of this former pop star, but she continues to blow it out time and time again. I mean, first there was the 1998 arrest for the “lewd” act in a public restroom. Recently she has been photographed having fallen asleep at the wheel of her car – on more than one occasion. Seriously though, you have to try pretty hard to fall asleep during the 30 seconds it takes for the traffic light to change.

Now it seems that the once prolific star was caught crawling out of the woods following an anonymous sex romp in London with some completely heinous 58 year old queen. According to a UK based newspaper –

News of the World investigators caught the singer red-handed and red-faced as he emerged from the bushes after cavorting with a pot-bellied, 58-year-old, jobless van driver.

When challenged George, 43, was wild-eyed and trembling. Trying to hide his face under a baseball cap, he screamed:

"I don't believe it! F*** off! If you put those pictures in the paper I'll sue!"

The newspaper's investigators took it one step further – confronting the alleged partner in crime, and following him home to conduct a formal interview. Per the News of the World -

Meanwhile his new buddy Kirtland crept from the undergrowth looking sheepish and rushed to his Ford Transit van. As he opened the door a grubby, stained mattress was clearly visible in the back.

We later tracked him to his home 60 miles away—a squalid flat in Brighton, East Sussex. Looking gross and dishevelled, Kirtland answered the door naked — pulling on grimy shorts as he invited us in…

Kirtland's dingy place just off Brighton seafront, was littered with rubbish, dirty crockery and filthy laundry. His only companion is a 20-year-old cat. He told us: "I don't even like George Michael. And I didn't recognise him immediately. "He sort of came up and got close. He looked kind of brown so I said to him, ‘You're not totally English, are you?'

"I told him I'd come all the way up from Brighton and he said, ‘What? Isn't Brighton good enough for this sort of thing?' "I told him it's highly dangerous at 2am. You'd get your throat cut. "He told me I could contact him on the Gaydar website and we just started kissing. "He did it very well. That was one of his major points. Then it was fondling and mutual pleasuring. It wasn't full sex but it was fantastic."

Kirtland's confession then took a bizarre twist as he bragged: "There's a secret that I have which no one knows about. It's a personal thing. "Most people pull away from it. But George actually seemed to respond. "When we'd finished he said, ‘I've got to go. I've got to go somewhere and chill out.' And that was that.

For once I seem to be at a loss of words. I mean, I just don't know what to say - so I think I'll just let the pictorial evidence speak for itself. You know what they say about how a picture speaks a thousand words. I don't know if I could think of another instance where that old adage fits more perfectly. Could you?