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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

screech sex

Was it not enough that Screech was back in the news earlier this summer? You remember that whole 'Save My House' bullshit, right? Then he was on Stern talking about how he's apparently hung like a donkey. Now it seems that there is a Screech sex tape that's about to hit the internet. No, I'm not kidding - I seriously wish that I was...

According to Rush & Molloy -

He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us. We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood's biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he's acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond. "Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."

Schmidt is in L.A., shopping the tape to Hustler's Larry Flynt, Vivid's Steven Hirsch and other major distributors of adult video. Now age 29, the 6-foot Diamond is much brawnier than you may remember him. He's a black belt in karate, and, four years ago, he defeated Ron Palillo (Horshack on "Welcome Back, Kotter") on Fox's "Celebrity Boxing 2."

Diamond's manager, Roger Paul, said his client has become a successful standup comic and will appear on the ABC sitcom ‘The Knights of Prosperity.’ "I haven't seen the tape," Paul told us. "I've heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings."

In 1996, former "Saved by the Bell" sweetheart Elizabeth Berkley bared all in the Paul Verhoeven-Joe Eszterhas trashterpiece, "Show Girls." The sex vid's working title is "Saved by the Smell." Ewwwww.

So here's the thing - I don't think that I could possibly think of a person (on the entire planet), whom I would least like to see engaged in sexual acts, than Screech Powers from Saved by the Bell. And the Dirty Sanchez bit - seriously disturbing! So seriously, Screech - no one cares about you. Go join the ranks, and overdose on crystal meth or something - for Christ's sake!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh jesus!

9/27/2006 2:50 PM  

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