Yeeeaaah Hot: i’m a cover girl, mommy

Going into the season finale, I knew that one thing was certain – Jade would clearly be the first one to go - but this is also the first time that I haven’t had an absolute favorite. I really have loved both Joanie and Danielle equally throughout the entire season.

Of course Ty Ty has to be all dramatic during the first elimination, and pretend that the competition is much closer than it actually is – and can we discuss her outfit for a minute?

Everything about this is wrong – the hideous prom hair (replete with tendrils), the makeup, and that ridiculous blouse / bustier combo. Thank Christ we only saw her from the chest up – I can’t even fathom what may have been happening down below.

So continuing, Joanie was the first finalist named – leaving Danielle and Jade behind to duke it out. The judges problem with Jade – you take good pictures, but you’re a total cuntcake and we hate you. Unpredictably, the continued critique of Danielle is that she does not have the voice of a “Cover Girl.” What I love about this is that the judges are essentially telling her that being poor black trash from Arkansas is just not cool. I did however love the valley girl accent that Tyra used in trying to prove her point to Danielle. Hot!

As I said, it was no surprise that Jade got the boot first. She served her purpose as villain and martyr, and was finally shown the door. God bless Jade. She provided such comic relief over the past few months, and her dramatic slam poetry exit was phenomenal.

Jade just wanted to leave with some words, because you know – that’s what she does. And I quote -

“Left over lady, let alone the strongest to be subdued. If I only had the magic key that would unlock the realms to the plateau of the higher me – even though I’ve been badly bruised – livin’ in a house to become a popular muse.” Snap.

As always the two finalists faced off in a runway extravaganza – this season the runway was on and around some blown out pagoda. Oh UPN, always trying to be fresh and original – and always failing miserably.

The judges were spot on when they said that neither is capable of taking a bad picture. Here’s a little side by side of their photos throughout the season.